Spiffy Moms

What do you do when you've reached a point where none of the discipline you give is working? When you feel like you've tried everything and you are thankful every day that you only have 2 kids and you aren't truly outnumbered? I have no idea. The last couple of weeks have been really hard. It feels like the kids couldn't care less about listening to anything I say. They are constantly chasing each other, playing off each other, goofing around, complaining and then starting it all over again. Time out isn't working, grounding from things isn't working, separating them isn't working. How do you not just give up??? Now, for those that don't know, I have two boys - 7-1/2 years old and 4-1/2 years old. They are best friends but have just started this fighting phase. Granted, in starts off as playing, but it's still play fighting. Soon, you'll see a bald Brooke because I'm pulling my hair out from it. Have you gone through this? How have you combated it? Does it ever end?

Brooke set up this handy blog feature ages ago and I have finally added my blog. For those that don't know me, I'm Jo, one of the owners of Spiffymoms.com. Brooke is the other owner. I am a mom of three girls, aged 8, 5, and 3. My oldest is disabled and requires a lot of day to day care. When I am not caring for her, I am driving, refereeing and playing with the other two. I also manage to squeeze in some photography and down time which really means I read books about history or rant about whatever news report has riled me up. Did I mention that I am opinionated? Like any Spiffy Mom, there is more to me than just being a Mom. My blog is named in honor of my 5 year old who constantly asks what the time is but still doesn't quite grasp telling time. As for me, I always know what time it is but am never quite sure how we got there.

We faced a difficult situation this Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. After some discussion, we finally figured how we wanted to handle this as parents. But it took a lot of thinking. For some, maybe it wouldn't be so difficult. It was our first time facing something like this though. That day, we went to the zoo with some friends. Things went well and we knew we were on a time constraint because my oldest son (Xander) and I were meeting a friend of his and her mom at the theater that night. We were off to see Night at the Museum 2 and have had these plans for a couple of weeks now. The friend is Xander's girlfriend (*giggle*) and she attends a different school now, so they don't get to see each other often. They both have been looking forward to this. The problem was, at the end of the zoo trip, Xander's behavior became out-of-hand. We had separated from the group we were with since they were off to dinner elsewhere and we were going to stay a bit longer. As we were walking across the zoo to the penguin house, I don't know what snapped in his cute little head but something did. He decided he didn't need to listen to us or check his attitude. After a few minutes of sassing back, we passed an area that was set up for a wedding for the evening. He decided to walk away from us and walk through the seats. Little did we know, he then took one of the bubble bottles that was on the chair for the guests. The employee watching over it all notified us. At that point, he sheepishly returned it but refused to apologize. Which totally steamed me. That was not acceptable. As we were talking about it, he turned away and tried to get on the stopped zoo trolley! I was mortified. My husband and I had enough. Rather than finishing our visit, we turned around and left. The whole way out of the zoo, he was talking back, giving total attitude and just being mean. In any other circumstance, the movie would have been cancelled in a heartbeat due to this behavior. I don't tolerate this. If you want to discuss things with us, fine. But sassing back, having an attitude and blatantly disobeying what you are told is NOT acceptable in our household. So what do you do in this situation? Do you keep the movie date with the friend because though he was out-of-line, it is no reason to punish her? Or do you cancel the movie date and hope the other parent understands and the friend is not too disappointed? It's a tough choice. By taking him to the movies, I feel as if we are still rewarding him for his behavior. And if he's grounded from the Wii the next day as punishment, will it make the same impact as missing the movie? But again, I don't want to disappoint the friend since I know how she was excited to see him finally. They were great friends last year in school and have barely seen each other. What do you do as a parent? What would you do? I'd love to hear your comments. For us, we decided that we would keep the movie date and ground him from the Wii for the next two days. It felt wrong for him but I know it was the right and gracious thing to do for our friends. I would have hated for her to be disappointed because of his behavior. We did keep up the conversation with him that this is a special circumstance and if it she wasn't meeting us for the movie, then he would NOT be going. But it's hard to instill something like that in a 7 year old. Do they really grasp the fundamentals of this? Or is this another thing where you do what you feel is right and hope they understand why some day? I think it's a more of the latter opinion. Please leave your thoughts in the comments, I'd love to hear them! Brooke

We always hear the term "working mom" or "stay-at-home-mom".  And those terms bother me a bit.  Not because I really care about the whole war between moms and differing opinions.  What bothers me is that EVERY mom works.  Come on really, is there anyone out there that thinks that raising kids isn't work?

Sure they're cute and all but at some point, the light-bulb goes off and you realize, holy crap, I have these things for the next 18 years (at least) and I am molding the next generation of people on this planet.  I don't know about you but that was a HUGE o-m-g moment for me.  To think that I have this kind of responsibility is paralyzing.  Aren't I still the kid that screwed up and how did I get this job now?  Who EVER let ME of all people be in charge of other people?  It's a crazy thought.

It's a great responsibility and while it's a "wing-it" kind of job sometimes, it's something I've grown to treasure.  The paralyzing fear is gone (who knows what I'll feel like when they're teenagers) and it's a lot of fun.  My boys are 7 & 4 years old and we are having a blast.  It's great to see them mature and their personalities truly develop.  At this point, we can see our values, beliefs, creativity and intelligence growing inside them.  It makes all those "wing-it" times and life-lesson times seem worth it.  I mean, who knew that a conversation about boogers would lead to an hour-long manners-play-lesson that they had fun with and be something that we reference during our rude-in-public moments.

On that note, my props to all the mamas out there.  Really ladies, we (as parents, so I'm including you Dads also) have a tough job.  We're only molding the future of the planet, ya know. ;)

Peace